Indecision
by caffeineaddict13
Summary: She has trouble distinguishing which parts of her belong to who sometimes. Jacob/Bella/Edward.


**A/N:** Um, so this is kind of strange. I'm not really sure where it came from except that I was re-reading Breaking Dawn and got this weird surge of anti-Bella storylines. Don't worry if you don't know what to make of this. I don't really, either.

**Disclaimer:** Yeahno.

--

In the end, it is _love_ that kills Isabella Swan.

Yes, she's had her fare of accidents—cars swerving and hunters who can smell her blood and monsters that bare their teeth at her alliances. But, somehow, she always manages to make it out alive.

Not this time.

--

On the day of her wedding, her hands are shaking. She supposes its not that unusual, not when you are an eighteen-year-old bride, and certainly not when your vows are simply the agreement you've made to ensure your immortality will be taken care of afterwards.

And she runs through the motions the way she's supposed to: Questioning comes first (which is pointless, because she _loves_ him, there's not a doubt in her mind), soon to follow is Over-thinking (which she does for everything, anyway, so its not really all that strange) and finally, the Alcohol comes. She spends a while on _that_ step.

By the time it is her turn to walk down the aisle, her stomach is pooling with warm liquid and her vision is blurry, she holds on to her father tight, not noticing as she begins her clumsy decent. She manages to make it to the alter and when she does, she beams up at her husband-to-be and giggles. He looks at her with worried eyes but doesn't say a word, taking her hand in his and waiting for the minister to finish going through the motions.

When she is asked about eternal love and devotion (which holds a different meaning when you are marrying one of the damned), about sickness and health and 'til death do us part, she coughs and looks behind her one last time before sputtering out the words.

It should probably _bother_ Bella that there is a werewolf in a tuxedo crashing her wedding. But she isn't exactly one to talk about fear of mythical creatures, not when she is going to _become_ one in a number of days (hours?)—and this dog just happens to be her best friend.

The audience gasps when she chokes down the I do and instead pulls her hand from her nearly-husband's grip and trips down the aisle to Jacob Black. She makes a very unladylike gesture at the crowd and throws her arms around him, slurring her words of surprise and delight.

It is then that she realizes that she didn't quite question enough.

--

Packing up her stuff from the Cullen's house is one of the most unpleasant experiences she has ever had to deal with.

First of all, there's Alice and her angry glares, the crinkling of her brows as she searches for her future. Bella smirks when she realizes that it _annoys_ Alice that she can't see Bella anymore, because who ever could've believed that this normal human girl could have made her mark on a _vampire_?

Then there's Rosalie and her smug little smiles. They scream I told you so in the most _distracting _and Bella finds that it is hard to fold her belongings when you have an immortal supermodel sending you haughty glares from across the room.

And saying goodbye to Edward is the very worst of all. She had thought it over a lot on the way there, about what she was going to say and do (is a hug appropriate, or is that too intimate? A handshake seems too formal, and there is no way she's managing a _curtsy_), but when she is faced with the actual farewell, her throat closes up and she doesn't remember a thing.

Saying Bella Swan is indecisive is a bit of an understatement.

Because when she kisses him, full on the lips, it _definitely_ does _not_ taste like goodbye.

--

It takes two weeks from the (kind of second) time she marries Edward for her to be back in Jacob's arms.

She had never considered herself to be the kind of girl that would cheat. But she can't _help_ that her heart is split so directly in two; that her love can be so divided between the cold and dazzling vampire and the warm and beautiful wolf. There are two parts of her soul, and each craves a different _kind_ of love.

Edward pretends that he can't smell him on her skin when he comes back from hunting. And when she is with Edward, it is _only_ him, only _them_, and it doesn't _matter_ that his skin is too cold and his teeth are too sharp and his body is too hard against hers. She convinces herself that they are _meant to be_ and when she is so determined, it is very hard to turn back time.

And with Jacob, it is like walking into an open fire. It is all heat and passion, and he makes her feel a way that Edward is never able to. But it is also forbidden and too _real_, and Jacob hints that he wants _all_ of her, but Bella just can't give herself up.

She has trouble distinguishing which parts of her belong to _who_ sometimes.

Sometimes, she imagines that _she _is the monster (sometimes, she knows that she is right).

--

She is in her twenties when Jacob tells her that he _can't_. She doesn't blame him, not really, but the tears are real when he kisses her for the last time. She trades in her old truck for the Mercedes that Edward's been bugging her about, and she scrubs all her clothes, trying to get the scent of Jacob to disappear.

Her heart is no longer split in two. It's just _split_.

She tries to go through the motions of everyday life, but it is very hard to be herself when she no longer feels alive.

She's so _cold_, now.

--

Bella Swan dies of a broken heart. Doctor Carlisle takes one look at the dim X-rays and tells Edward he's sorry, but there's nothing he could've done.

When you only have half a heart, there's really no way for it to beat.

You could say that she died because she wasn't loved, but really, Bella just didn't love enough.

And halfway across the world, Jacob isn't sorry that he left.

--

**END**


End file.
